Happy Driver Tip: Drive-Alongs

It's happened to all of us. You're driving along on a nice multi-lane highway, you try to drive past another car, and they speed up so that they are driving directly along side of you. So, you slow down; they keep pace. You think about running them off the road with your car and emphatic gesticulation. However, unless you are a spontaneous free-spirit (see also: psychopath), these thoughts aren't very helpful. Let me give some tips to take care of the drive-alongs. First, a quick insight into the drive-along's mind. They are sheep. They aren't pacing you to annoy; they're feeble minds subconsciously latch on to anything that gives them direction. Knowing this allows you to expoit it. So, method one: the sling shot. Keep pace with the drive-along, but slowly increase the speed until you are going ten to fifteen (necessary speeds may vary) miles per hour faster than you would normally like. If the drive-along fear authority more than thinking for themselves, they will chicken out and fall back...problem solved. More likely, they will sheep right along side you. So, just when they are feeling secure...quickly slow down to the speed you want to go. If done correctly, the feeble mind of the drive-along will not be able to cope quickly enough, and they will be miles ahead of you driving at dangerous velocities. Now, sometimes, the more quick thinking drive-along will quickly become afraid at having lost his new pillar of security and will slow back down after only a few miles. This is easily overcome by then passing said drive-along at the previously mentioned dangerous velocities. You'll be far beyond the slow thinking drive-along before he knows what's going on. ....or you could just mount a large projectile weapon to the top of your car, and demand respect through violence. Drive smart, kids.

*disclaimer-Josh does not encourage the use of any projectile weapons of any sort. You should beat people to death using boot and brass knuckle...like the gods intended*

Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!

An old friend has turned on me. I've always known he was fickle, but this time it's ridiculous. Oh, friend Sleep...why hast thou forsaken me?!? So, Saturday, I had to wake up early (you know, because I have work), and I think that was the day I pissed Sleep off. I got home, and took a six hour nap. At the time I thought nothing of it, but now...I realize the diabolical nature of the plan. Saturday night...I couldn't sleep. Nothing. This is not a problem I've had in the recent past. Not getting sleep, yes. Not being ABLE to sleep...not so much. So, I finally achieve slumber nirvana around 7am. And, then, I awake at noon. NOON! ON A SUNDAY! The only day I haven't given away all of my time, and I can't sleep the day away. It was the saddest thing ever. So, I go through my Sunday slightly dazed; feeling a little hurt and betrayed. And, then tonight (Sunday evening/Monday morning), again with the not sleeping. I lie down, turn off the lights, and then begin to wonder whether my new myspace profile is good enough for the masses (until I remember that the people I know in real life won't care, and everyone else is still imaginary). So, I let it drop. Then, I start to think about my various homework assignments (which I completed in a timely fashion). So, I let that drop. Then I start to worry that if I don't go to sleep soon, I'll be really tired tomorrow. Oh, Sleep, THAT is the worst mindfuck of them all! A low blow, employing paradox for such a vulgar, vengeful task. If this game persists, I'll have to start getting cheap too. I'll buy a copy of The Thin Red Line. I have yet to watch it all the way through and not fall asleep. Or, I'll re-read Ethan Frome! ...wow, I can't believe how far I've gone. Nothing deserves Ethan Frome. Heck, I'm an adult, and Sleep is an eternal anthropomorphized force...I'm sure we can work out our differences. Truce! And...goodnight.

Free time is for suckers

So, I haven't posted recently because everything I can think of sounds a lot like whining. Negativity doesn't really go with the whole apathy motif. So, here is a completely (for the most part) complain-free post. This semester I am taking Calculus 2 (8-9am MWF), Physics: Classical Mechanics (9-10am MWF, Recitation: 3pm-4pm W, Lab: 5pm-8pm...yes that's seven hours for one class, and no I don't get credit for most of it, and yes, I don't think it's very fair either), Music Appreciation (10-11am MWF, online and whenever the hell my sadistic teacher feels like piling on outside of classes assignments), College Writing (6:30pm-9:20pm M, 6:30pm-infinity subjective time), and my Institute Class: The Pearl of Great Price (11am-12pm, uh no commentary, it's actually quite relaxing). Of course, this does compromise my work schedule somewhat (10am-6pm TTh, 11:30am-6pm MF, and 8am-2pm Sat, with a sadly misleading Wed. off). And, this schedule doesn't encompass the 8-10 hours of homeword I have each week...which I...uh...don't mind doing...that much. So, since my brain is now active for [error]% of the week, I've found that my already meager imagination has hit an all time bottom. It's odd how much you use your imagination on a daily basis. No, I'm not talking about Veronica's novel, I'm more thinking of using words in everyday conversation. Where do you think those words come from? That's right, your lush imagination (well, maybe the scrubland next to the lush part). And, when that imagination is gone...doing things like answering suddenly difficult questions like "How are you this morning" becomes more problematic. uh...but that's no excuse to neglect my blog! So...uh...stay in school kids! And...uh...a mind is a terrible thing to waste! And [enter your slogan here]!

PS As you are all queueing up to comment, tell the world what your slogan is! (I learned it by watching Cainnum. uh..that's not my slogan...that's were I learned tricks from the comment-whore. Not that it's a bad slogan. But, I would never make a slogan around someone who wants to link a girl in Amsterdam before he linked his good friend. Not that I even want a link. I mean, who even really clicks on link...besides everyone who uses the internet. So...yeah...I don't need your link. I've got lots of friends. I mean, who even said that having lots of links to your website made you popular? I didn't. uh...oh, is this thing still on? beep)

PPS Oh yeah, for the almost complain-free experience that I promised, go back and erase everything that was in parenthesis from your memory. Wow, what did people do before brain wipes were invented? Am I right, people? Aw, just wipe the whole thing and replace it with a memory of you eating a cookie or something.