Inertial Apathy

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Advertencia: Lea este poste

For those who are following the soap opera that is my life (well, a british soap opera anyway...if only I could get a nice saucy telemundo life. sigh) Here is some closure to the LAST post...you know, the one that no one read.
1) Screw Physics. I'll just take it next semester from a better teacher. Then, thanks to a forgiving grading system, the new grade will replace this dismal failure. So, I'm out 400 bucks for a bad semester. If that's the worst thing that happens to me in life, then I'm set. This seemingly simple realization (that I was essentially selling my sanity for 400 bucks) has really made me feel better. And, I can keep my 4.0 (retroactively after getting an A in the class next semester). hee hee, suckers.
2) So, my BFF came over this weekend and we had fun. So, I guess she's trying. :) Perhaps I'm not completely obsolete yet.
3) Still fat. Still hungry (though I totally pigged out this weekend...shhh, don't tell anyone). No resolution here. Sorry, this isn't the wonderful world of Disney.
4) Now that I'm half-assing Physics, my work load doesn't seem nearly as big. Now, don't get me wrong, I still need a week off during which I can sit and stare at the wall for six hours a day, but I SUPPOSE I can wait to do that this summer. We'll see.
5) The guy has now officially stopped writing me. And no one else has written in a week. And, all I can say is Thank the Gods. I didn't realize how much I was stressing over stupid internet communication until it was gone. Dude, I so don't need to talk to strangers. I can barely handle keep my friends entertained. And I don't like this whole disembodied text bit. If I'm going to meet someone, I need context clues...body language, facial expressions, gesticulation, and all of that jazz. I'm just not smart enough to fill in all of those blanks from a text block.
So, there you have it. All wrapped up in a nice little package. Well, except for the fat thing...but you need to leave some things open for the sequel. Muahahahahahhah.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Warning: Do Not Read This Post

I'm feeling meloncholy. So, if you're here to read my second-rate wit, you'll just have to get it from somewhere else. *crickets chirp* Okay, now that I'm all alone, and because I'm feeling kind of morbid, I'll now proceed to catalog some things that have been on my mind (for posterity).
1) I am failing Physics. That's right...anybody that ever thought I was smart can now disillusion themselves. And, I'm not saying that my average has barely dipped into failing territory...I got a 22 on the last EXAM. Of course, with the 30 point curve that the teacher (if you can call him that) gave the class, I'm....still FAILING. Now, I don't care about excuses or extraneous circumstances; I'm failing a class. And, since my entire ego is pretty much based on my intellect, I now realize that I've got nothing. No fallback. I'm not pretty. Not athletic. Not charismatic. My whole life, I've been smart. Now, I've got nothing. Time to start looking for a job as a drunken village idiot. Hope I don't mess that up.
2) My BFF has a new boyfriend, and I'm now second fiddle. I completely realize that it's petty and childish of me to not wish someone I care about happiness. But, too bad. Me! Me! Me! I'm jealous that someone who has known my BFF for only 1.3 months now has more influence than I do after 26.7 years. And I hate that I'm jealous. I wish I were the bigger man. Emotionally, that is. I could totally kick most asses physically. If only I were a caveman, I could just club people until the world was the way I wanted. Then being 6'6" and 300 pounds would be an asset and not just a reason that no one will ever date me. Which brings us to
3) I've been dieting. Now, I'm hungry and NOT ANY THINNER. Seriously, I think my metabolism is the most adaptable metabolism in the world. I cut back to healthy levels and nothing happens. Same size. I have to practically starve myself (not exagerating) to lose any weight, and then it comes off really quickly. But, you're not supposed to starve yourself....it's unhealthy or something. And, if I starve myself, I start getting headaches and dizziness. Again, the irony is that a maleable metabolism would be a total asset in almost any other time period in the world. I hate irony.
4) I thought that I could be one of those people who could work and go to school full-time. But, I don't think I am. I think that I'm slowly going insane. I need sleep. And multiple days off each week. Sometime, when I remember that I still have a minimum of five years before I graduate, I physically twitch. And the sad thing is that I actually enjoy school. I used to be good at it, and I enjoy learning new things. But, since I wasn't born wealthy, there just isn't any feasible way for me to go to school and not work 40 hours. And, I can't go to school part time and get any sort of good grant. It's the story of my life. If I like or want something, it's always has strings attached that make it unbearable or impossible. I hate catch-22's
5) I met this guy on myspace. I decided to be myself (for the most part) and chatted for a couple of weeks with him. Then he stopped responding. See, I forgot that I'm completely unlikable. I have to cater to everyone around me all the time just so that no one hates me. Cause, in past experience, those are the results. Cater or hate. And sometimes catering isn't enough. Oh, of course I don't mean YOU. You're the one person who understands me. And, changing the subject...I realize that is how it is on the internet. People lose interest etc. But my sole reason for joining myspace was to talk to him (my neighbors conned me into it), and now, I have strangers writing to me. I don't like strangers. I never know what to say. I hate social awkwardness. Speaking of which...
Well, that was...probably vaguely offensive. Good thing no one was reading it. *nervous laugh* But, I do feel better. Blogs are way cheaper than therapy.