Happy Driver Tip: Drive-Alongs
It's happened to all of us. You're driving along on a nice multi-lane highway, you try to drive past another car, and they speed up so that they are driving directly along side of you. So, you slow down; they keep pace. You think about running them off the road with your car and emphatic gesticulation. However, unless you are a spontaneous free-spirit (see also: psychopath), these thoughts aren't very helpful. Let me give some tips to take care of the drive-alongs. First, a quick insight into the drive-along's mind. They are sheep. They aren't pacing you to annoy; they're feeble minds subconsciously latch on to anything that gives them direction. Knowing this allows you to expoit it. So, method one: the sling shot. Keep pace with the drive-along, but slowly increase the speed until you are going ten to fifteen (necessary speeds may vary) miles per hour faster than you would normally like. If the drive-along fear authority more than thinking for themselves, they will chicken out and fall back...problem solved. More likely, they will sheep right along side you. So, just when they are feeling secure...quickly slow down to the speed you want to go. If done correctly, the feeble mind of the drive-along will not be able to cope quickly enough, and they will be miles ahead of you driving at dangerous velocities. Now, sometimes, the more quick thinking drive-along will quickly become afraid at having lost his new pillar of security and will slow back down after only a few miles. This is easily overcome by then passing said drive-along at the previously mentioned dangerous velocities. You'll be far beyond the slow thinking drive-along before he knows what's going on. ....or you could just mount a large projectile weapon to the top of your car, and demand respect through violence. Drive smart, kids.
*disclaimer-Josh does not encourage the use of any projectile weapons of any sort. You should beat people to death using boot and brass knuckle...like the gods intended*
*disclaimer-Josh does not encourage the use of any projectile weapons of any sort. You should beat people to death using boot and brass knuckle...like the gods intended*
posted by Joshie at
10:33 PM
4 Comments:
"...You take the good, you take the bad,
you take them both and there you have
The Facts of Life, the Facts of Life...."
By
Dave, at March 01, 2006 9:11 AM
I really should get some brass knuckles. But, dammit, I just really enjoy the feeling of skin, muscle, and bone rending beneath my fist. What? I didn't say anything.
I like your tips for dealing with the sheep. My solution. . .speeding up until they can't keep up anymore. But that can have it's drawbacks too.
By
Margie the Pickle Princess, at March 01, 2006 10:41 AM
two posts in a week. goodness. these people are scum and i hate them. i would probably go with cannon mount or what have you. also dave you're a freak. also why don't i get joshie comments anymore?
By
cainnum, at March 01, 2006 2:32 PM
Despite my slightly off topic post about the Facts Of Life, I'd also like to point out that your driving advice was in fact delivered rather amiably. Which is something I should give props to and take to heart, because I have a bad habit of telling other drivers "Fuck you!" and then breaking a traffic law myself. Which is kind of hypocritical I guess. Driving is socially difficult. It's worse than meeting people you don't know at parties and being polite to them, because at least they aren't inadvertantly trying to cut you off as you do your best to accomodate them regardless. Or maybe it is kind of similar. Some people are like that even in 'passing'. Heh.
By
Dave, at March 04, 2006 12:29 PM
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