Bio-tank Emergence Day!

Yes, on this day 26 years ago, I bravely ventured out from the bio-tank of my host's womb onto to the road of life with nothing but a leisure suit made from goo, a thin strip of dying umbilical cord, and a fistful of moxy. Since that momentous occasion, I've learned a few things; but mostly, I've eaten a lot, slept a lot, and generally made a nuisance of myself. But, now I'm TWENTY-SIX! Now, I'm a real adult. Part of me acknowledges that this important transition was a slow process taking years...but my more dramatic side has decided that I've fully matured in just one day. That's right, yesterday I was nothing more than an advanced teenager...but today, my friend, I've emerged from the carefree coccoon of irresposibility (and some acne that was SUPPOSED to go away five years ago) into the butterfly of a novice bitter old man. Those of you who know me may be thinking it, so I'll go ahead and say that the transformation wasn't that unexpected...I've been on the verge of being a bitter old man for years. But...old habits die hard, so I'm still really excited about the GameCube my siblings bought for me. An act that prompted me to go out and spend over a hundred dollars on various gifts for myself (Civ: Conquests, Tales of Symphonia, Animal Crossing, and Pokemon Collosseum...don't judge me, it's not like I go to Burger King on Tuesdays and PokeBattle with eight year olds. I just like playing the damn game.) But, more in line with my distinguished age, my mother bought me a set of Scriptures (Leather bound Bible and Book of Mormon set...looks expensive), a hymnal, and book of piano music to learn on. Quite a juxtaposition, isn't it. Hmmm...video games or...the epistles of ancient men concerning my immortal soul. Well, I've decided to read the books (it will give me limitless fuel for my atheistic opinions, and with so many true believers, it must be a fascinating read...right?) for about half to a full hour each day and play the video games with ALL remaining free time. That's sounds fair. After all, a man of my age needs to find ways to recapture his youth...

Brain Coolant

So, in the great tradition of Fry from Futurama...I am a delivery boy. I am trusted with the quasi-sacred task of transporting and ensuring the safety of valuable automotive parts; I am the linch pin in the grand scheme of people who are far too busy (or lazy...whatever) to go and pick up their own purchases. I am convenience incarnate. You can probably see where this is leading... In the timeless words of Rodney Dangerfield...I get no respect. Mechanics have a keen mind for remembering when I took more than 10 minutes (across town...during rush hour) to bring them their needed parcels, and never seem to remember the times I FLEW their rush package (breaking a slew of traffic laws in the process) in under five minutes (again, across town...but not during rush hour, I'd be dead). This if fine though, due to the compassionate and understanding administration at my company (re-read last sentence seasoned with heavy sarcasm). However, since I usually have to work up to caring (see blog title), these things don't bother. What does bother me is...my car has no air conditioning...in Texas...in summer. If I were an animal, my boss would probably be thrown in jail, but, since I have opposable thumbs, I can be driven to within an inch of heat exhaustion with no consequence to those around me. Seriously, when I come home at the end of the day, I can take my shirt off and WRING it out. Again, this doesn't bother me too much (my apathy could probably win an ironman competition), but it did make me notice something. When I get hot, I get really stupid. People will talk to me, and I have to concentrate really hard to realize that a response is expected from me. It took me five minutes today to match up a part number (I kept looking at the wrong part and thinking, "Something isn't right here...if I could only put my finger on it...") In the middle of the day, when it is hottest, my eyes glaze over and I have to remind myself that GREEN means go. So, ironically, I got to thinking, and I wonder if humans think BETTER when it's cold. We should do some experiments, refine the results, and start fabricating brain coolant. Taking your SAT's...don't forget the brain coolant! We could devise hats made from heat sinks for the poor who can't afford the actual coolant. Humanity as we know it could be changed forever. Just a thought.

Oops...wrong button

So, through a little exploration and some rash clicking...I've created a blog. Gods help us all. But, since I'm here, I might as well tell you (the disembodied reader) who it is who is typing all of these inanities. Since chances are that you know me already, you might as well skip this post all together as no new ground will be covered (you know, like the review period in school every year after summer vacation). Hi, I'm Josh. I'm mid to late 20's. No, literally, I'll be 26 next week. Brown hair and eyes. Caucasoid (heh heh...I said caucasoid). I'm 6' 6", with a large build (I just have big bones...oh, who am I kidding...I'm overweight. Don't worry, I won't hit on you, after all, you don't even have a body (see third sentence)). I enjoy reading (I HAVE read things other than sci fi and fantasy...but I'm not taking high school English anymore), video games (if you have some free time, I'll tell you all about the Ultimate Civilization I created in Civ 3! ...I was kidding, you really don't want to know about it), movies (Kevin Bacon, anyone?), and avoiding long walks on the beach. My turn ons....are my own damn business (if you really want to know, then you'll just have to flirt with me, woo me, court me for a few months, and then I MIGHT give you a couple of hints on one of them. Any takers? I thought not.) Oh, and I like using parentheses...I apologize, but you'll just have to cope. Okay, that's the bare bones of me (heh heh...I said bones). Anyone with questions will have to schedule a tutorial.