Who Wants To Be A World Leader!?!

When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. So, in that train of thought, I give you the combination of reality tv and politics....Who Wants To Be A World Leader.
Okay, so I envision the show to have 3 phases.
Phase One: Mr. America
First we need a board of "experts", probably drawn from the electoral college or directly from the federal government...we can work out the details later. So, our board of experts throw together a list of about, let's say, 200 Presidential Hopefuls (which, despite the name of the phase one, may be of either gender. But, really, I couldn't use Miss America, cause it's taken, and American Person just didn't sound right. Maybe it could be Mr./Ms. America...but that's just too punctuation heavy). We slap them all together in a Miss America type pagent (hopefully skipping the swimsuit competition) and narrow them down to about 10-15. The Judges will be...RANDOMLY SELECTED REGISTERED VOTERS. Genius. I'd suggest around 20-50 judges total, with the board of experts each having one veto (kinda like the lawyers picking a jury...speaking of which, there might be those who say that randomly selected people aren't worthy to select our President. I say, if it's good enough to decide if a man has commited a crime or not, it's good enough to elect our leader!) And we might even want to give 1/3 of the votes to internet polling...but again, those are just details. So, once we are down to 10-15 hopefuls, we have...
Phase Two: Presidential Survivor
So, the board of experts get together some Presidential Challenges, and our hopefuls are cut down one by one with us, the tv viewing public, getting maximum entertainment value from all of their suffering...uh, I mean watching the Indomitable American Spirit! Again, the actual cuts are made by the randomly selected board of judges (again with an option for direct democracy utilizing the internet). Once we're down to just one hopeful, the true genius of the show emerges with...
Phase Three: Democracy TV
That's right, from now on, there won't be any presidential conspiracies, because the President with be TELEVISED 24/7! Well, okay, he can have breaks for the bathroom and such. And maybe some time with his family...but if he wants to be "the most powerful man in the world" (hey, people say it. I make no claims to it's veracity) then he has to make a few sacrifices. Every politician knows he's constantly in the public eye...so, now the president will just take a more literal meaning. Of course, he'll still have a board of experts to guide him, in case the infallible public accidently chooses a stinker, but this part is also genius: no one can be any board in more than one phase. So, if you are one of the lucky randomly selected registered voters for phase one, you are ineligible for phase two, and so on. But, more importantly...if you are on the board of experts that helps select our president, you can't be on the board that advises him during office. MUHAHAHAHHAHAHAH.
Okay, so I'm thinking that each election year, we can have the first two months for the pagent, another six months for the Survivor challenges, and then Democracy TV for the other three years and four months of one term. Of course, that means that coverage of the president will be spotty during the first eight months of an election year, but, hey, he's already on the way out, what's the harm in giving him a little privacy at the end?
Sometimes I my genius even scares me... Anyhoo, okay people, time to start calling your Congresspersons and pulling those strings to TV executives. Remember, only YOU can make our a government a debacle for public entertainment. We already give them a big chunk of our income...and they aren't even FUNNY! That's just no way to run a network...uh, I mean a country.

Austin! The Epic Adventure

This past weekend, I went to The State Capital of Texas....AUSTIN! This epic adventure (titular) was filled with joyous laughter, bitter tears, bolstering comraderie, triumphant victory, crushing defeat, and, most importantly, ...pizza and Dr. Pepper. Like most epics, it would actually take LONGER to tell all that happened than the actual weekend. So...I won't. But, here are some high points for my lucky subscribers.
So, it turns out that my good friend Cainnum (I love you, baby!) had, by that point in time, spread it around that I am some sort of Super Smash Brothers prodigy. Sadly, no one informed ME of this before my trip, else I would have brushed up a little on my Smashing skills (foreboding tone...take that Mrs. English Teacher who gave me a B!) So, upon arrival in Austin, I learn that a CHALLENGE has been set before me...I must conquer the self-proclaimed Smash Brothers Champion of Austin (okay, he claimed no such thing, but I'M telling this story so just be quiet and turn on your suspension of disbelief). Realizing belatedly that the months long neglect of my skills probably hadn't improved my playing, I sadly informed my host that I was in sad smashing shape and not ready for an ordeal of this magnitude. Again sadly, the contest had already been arranged, and my fate was set....or was it? My worthy opponent arrived (see below for non-competition evaluation of my opponent), and we Smashed like two Titan battling for Olympus (yes, I know the titans didn't battle each other. We each battled LIKE a titan, but coincidentally against each other. Yes, I know the titans lost...didn't I already warn you once about interrupting me? Good.) And...I mostly lost. Well, I won a good 40% of the time, but I in no way dominated and thus did not uphold the honor which had been afforded me. Thus I saw bitter defeat. But don't worry, later in the evening, I won at a video game which I'd never played before. FIRST TIME! Ah, there's the triumphant victory worthy of an epic!
But, even through the immortal struggle of competition, my weekend also held tender moment and consideration. By that, I mean that my esteemed opponent was pretty cute! When I first saw him, I didn't think so; but, the more time I spent with him, I found him to be eloquent, fun, and interesting...and of course, through this, he became cuter as time went by. Now, I by no means am implying that I have a crushlet or anything of the sort (I sincerely doubt that he's gay...in fact, I think he got a call from his girlfriend while I was there), but I bring this up for my readers. You may recall awhile ago, I outlined requirements for my fondness. Well, I only associated with this guy for about two hours, but I'm fairly certain that were he gay (and was interested in me) he would qualify. So there...if there is but one person who meets that many of my qualifications, there must be someone who meets them all. Of course, it's a shame that I realized this in the course of a heated competition. The cuter he became, the worse I played...and found it harder and harder to even talk. Damn the inflicted taciturnity of cute boys! Oh well, at least I didn't start babbling.
Also of interest were The Cute Guys Downstairs. The one I saw most was just cute enough that I didn't say much...and I think it made him uneasy, cause he would come in and only stay for a short time. Oh well, not my fault! :)
Other than the cute guys, my weekend mostly consisted hanging out with friends in a soul-healing kind of way. It was fun. I want to do it again and again. I can't really think of anything else to mention that wouldn't start a cascade of description that would make this post a novelette. And, I can't see as anyone who wasn't there would be interested, and if you were there you don't need it described.
So, if anything else comes to me, I'll make a sequel to this epic. Until then......HUZZAH FOR AUSTIN!